Yoga found me at what I believed to be my rock bottom point emotionally and mentally. I was lost. I had completely depleted myself in relationships and connections through over compensation with the intention of receiving validation and love and the feeling of belonging and wanting to be wanted and needed. I destroyed myself through other human beings and I called it “love”. I never asked for what I wanted directly. I never knew I had that option for having my needs met. So I tried, through covert means, to control situations, especially matters of the heart. One of the core principles of the practice is having a sense of vulnerability and presence with yourself enough to be honest about your patterns.
That’s how real change begins.
Before yoga, I had no reverence for my body or my breath or my emotions. I didn’t know how essential the trinity of my mind, body and breath were to me. I didn’t understand the things my body does daily to keep me alive. I hardly understood myself. And though I regularly preached and pretended to be an advocate for a happy-go-lucky, “positive vibes only”, love yo-self lifestyle, I had no idea what self love or being authentic really meant.
This practice goes so much deeper than the postures and aesthetics.
It’s a peeling back + an unlayering of everything we’ve been taught to believe. An uprooting, restructuring , complete transformation of the very person you THINK you are.
It’s facing the things that society tells us are unacceptable, not tolerated, and “negative”. It’s pulling off the various veils and coming face to face with our shadows.
It’s the most dynamic and intimate and beautiful and complex and scary relationship- with yourself.
I never knew I could have a relationship with my body.
I never knew I could have a relationship with my breath.
But yoga brought me to that space. Yoga brought me full circle to myself. After having spent years of control ploys to get what I thought I wanted from outside myself.
And though I’m human and I still very much fuck up, the practice teaches me to master my humanness from a space of inner authentic power as opposed to external control.
This journey is not always glossy, its never perfect and its downright messy and painful at times, but it is always ultimately worth it.