When I was younger I acquired shelves upon shelves of journals. Different sizes, different colors, different scents. One purpose. Writing was my healing salve. My pen was the vessel through which I bled my soul and blank pages were the canvas I held up to the light to examine myself, pen stroke by pen stroke.
My favorite ritual at the time was to burn those journals after I had filled them up entirely. I believed energy was everything. I strongly believed in energy releases.
It’s amazing how much wisdom our younger self holds for us when we learn to take steps back.
There’s alot to be learnt from the past if we’re looking in the right places. I have alot to thank my younger self for and alot to unpack. Even still. Especially now.
Life has a funny way of bringing us 360 degrees to the spaces where we fail to meet ourselves. I am reminded that resistance is senseless. So here I am full circle, learning to find release in the sturdy spines and blank pages once again.
Self forgiveness has been a big reminder for me this past week, especially thinking back to my younger self. Taking the time to cycle backwards has afforded me the clarity and allowed me to observe more pieces in familiar places that I had not picked up on the first time around. More tools. Although I’ve done alot of the soul work, I am reminded that unlearning, unfolding + healing do not have a deadline and that patience – especially with myself- is of the highest virtue.
Learning to hold space for myself, though uncomfortable and most times confusing is a process that I’m learning is continually shaping me, who I am today and who I’m still to become. I’m still learning to forgive myself for the times I put myself in harms way, for not taking ownership of my self worth and relinquishing myself of the guilt and shame for the simple fact that I did not know better. Unlearning is hard, but difficult does not mean impossible.
Acknowledging my lessons and choosing to take complete ownership of my healing, has been in it’s own way a kind of freedom. Because I’ve come to understand that if I am my problem, I am also my solution. Taking full accountability in my becoming is something that continues to teach me. But I am learning also to give myself grace through it all. Tenderly celebrating my pieces + my peace.
I am also learning, that though healing + rehealing is most times a heavy and not so glamorous process- to remember to PREPARE FOR JOY.
How are you currently filling your self love cup, loves?
What can you learn from a younger you?
What is in your tool box?
What tools do you need to feel supported + grounded?
How are you preparing for joy, even and especially now?
Happy leaning, my loves!